Sweet Revenge..?

So...as of right now, I'm happy..never been this happy in a very long time,however theres this little voice in me that is just like "Look at you..pathetic, you let them walk all over you, hurt you...than they stop and you accept it like nothing happened"...That lil voice comes from the dark part in my heart that still hurts...that still craves revenge. Revenge is a bad thing..especially when everythings good now,but I cant help but think at times...how about when it wasn't good, when I was a good girl from January-so forth and I was being walked on for no reason..simply because they can do that. It makes me sick when I think of it, and I get really disapointed in myself.

I feel like theres two sides of me..this hurt victom who's been used and made a fool of than theres the forgiving happy side who has forgiven and wants to move on with the future...but that side is a fool with no back bone.It's a battle with myself. I just feel that I am worth so much more,like who the hell thought they can fuck with me and get away with it like nothing happened...when all I've had for them is love and respect.

Well after I had watched kill bill ...Beatrice Kiddo ..her character..the journey for pure revenge, with no mercy, her hurt ,her pain..I felt it..I felt like that movie was a huge exageration of my life.Why do I have so much mercy? Love is strong but so is pain..and if you love someone..you dont hurt them.Well I have my own Beatrice kiddo that lives in me..a samurai assassin who craves vengence...but The good person in me is way too strong,however I will never..ever let anybody try to pull half the things that have been done to me this year.There will be a consiquence to pay..and I will have no mercy.

Nicki Minaj Vs a Has been? the easiest challange she's ever seen.

So the first song that kim has released since her last unsuccessful album out in 2005 ofcorse is a pathetic diss rap to Nicki. Through the whole song Kim is talking about how Nicki copied her style...boo F-ing hoo! So ofcorse being a Nicki fan, I know she been slaughtered kim with just a couple of lines in "Monster" and "Romans Revenge".

Ofcorse a whole bunch of Nicki haters are like "ooo Kim Killed Nicki!"...When kim didn't say much through her whole song...and the people that are saying this know they haven't even thought about kim for years, yet alone listened to her music .She's a has been. Everybody keeps talking about "Let the battle begin" Umm hello! there will be no battle..The moment Nicki Mentions Kim's name, Kim's 5 minutes of fame will turn into 15. Nicki's not going to give a has been shine.

" So let me get this straight wait I’m the rookie
But my features and my shows ten times your pay
50k for a verse no album out!"

" i'll say bride of chucky is child's play just killed another career its a mild day, besides yay they can't stand beside me" -Monster

"Nicki she just mad cause you took her spot
Word that bitch mad cause I took her spot, well bitch if you ain't shit than get off the pot, got some niggas out in brooklyn that will off ya top"

"Fuck I look like getten back to a has been..yea I said it..has been!, hang it up, flat screen!"-Romans Revenge

Nicki's not responding to a has been. Nobodys going to be talking about kim by the end of December.

RIP KIM

Everybody Has Issues 3-2-10

Hello everyone,So today was a good day but I woke up with alot on my shoulders.If you know about formspring.com, you know its an anonymous question asking site,you can also link the site to your facebook.Ok blazzy blah not the point.So my boyfriend is the one that told me about the stupid site and how its so interesting because you get all these questions and blazzy blah.Once he told me about it, something in my gut told me it was a bad idea,you know, women intuition.Well everything was going fine, he would get alot of random harmless questions.I decide to join formspring,accept I didn't get as much questions as he did,I'm guessing its because he has way more facebook friends than me, well ofcorse he does,I'm more picky with my facebook friends, I have to actually know the person I'm adding. I dont think he cares who the person is that adds him, he'll just accept.Well I'm getting waaay off topic.So he has alot of female friends, that he mostly met online,before me and him got back together...I know,huge red flag,but me being a good girlfriend,I let it slide, as long as they respect our relationship,I'm cool with it.Let me add I'm not on my boyfriends facebook because I know if I was on his facebook I would get really jealous and territorial seeing him being friendly with all these chicks.I must admit,I am a very jealous person, BUT ANY WHO!.So I decide to visit his formspring and a pretty good amount of questions were about me,and it was obviously by a girl,and the questions was exceptionally rude.like "Why are you with Samantha if you know its going to end in failure?", "Why are you so sure Samantha's the one?" "I herd Samantha's a lesbian,tell her to come lick my pussy" Like really horrible stuff...So I'm thinking "omg why hasn't he told me about this? I mean don't get it twisted, when he answered these anonymous questions he defended us and our relationship, so I was glad.I keep reading and some girls were like writing lyrics to "bedrock" by young money,like really weird stuff. than I come across this girl I guess mocking me like "Carlos, Why are you doing this to me,why are you cheating on me with girls on aim, you enjoy talking to them more than me (CRYS)" and I'm like...wtf...because Me an Carlos had recently had gotten in to a similar argument about aim and girls and stuff...but the key words are "Me and Him" no one knew about that...so I thought.Well the post kept on talking about that night,the girl would quote my exact words..I was horrified,I felt like a fool.This meant that Carlos was talking shit about me,his own "wifey" to some chick. A personal issue we was having he told several girls,on his aim buddy list. I couldn't believe that he would actually do this to me,especially because me and him never fight any more,so that was a rare fight and the first thing he does is run off and tell his "home girls" about it.I would never have so much disrespect for my significant other...I was appalled,also what really got me sooo fed up is that who ever it was that posted that, found it sooo funny and sooo amusing that me and my boyfriend had an argument that she needed to put it on blast for everyone to see.

This actually makes me stand by everything I said that night to him when we actually were arguing,because girls get to loose and disrespectful when they know they have a close friendship with someone who has a serious girlfriend.Theres a difference between confiding in someone,and just straight putting someone through the roof to someone.

When I confronted Carlos about it I didn't get angry, because I love him,and I hate to fight, I hate conflict,but truth of the matter is...Last night he lost a big chunk of trust I had for him.I had once lost my trust for him,but I regained it, but now there's barely anything left, once you wound someones pride,you just kinda lose a peice of them Like I said I didn't make a big huge deal about it but inside,I feel like a fool.So I woke up the next day feeling a little better, stronger but with a huge thirst for revenge, and once I get that thirst,it gets bad,it gets ugly.I didn't have bad feelings towards him,but I had a bad feeling about what he has done,and it probably wasn't the first time,its the first time I found out.So I'm at work and I get a text, from him and it read something like "hey my love,I cant wait for Friday,when I'm without you I go crazy,I wanna see you, have a good day,I love you".So I tried hard to keep strong and not get soft on him however I know when he puts "I'm going crazy" he's talking about a really difficult sad family situation he's going through,I can't be specific because I want to respect his privacy.So I asked him about it and I realized,he needs me...whats going on in his life is real,not this petty shit.I love him and regardless how mad and upset and hurt and vengeful I felt,at the end of the day I need him, and he needs me. There's too many important things going on in this world, we can't be wasting or time and energy on petty stuff.

So there you have it, my first blog, pretty long,sorry, also sorry it's kind of boring looking.I'm still learning how to fuck with this shit lol.It's pretty hard lol.