So...as of right now, I'm happy..never been this happy in a very long time,however theres this little voice in me that is just like "Look at you..pathetic, you let them walk all over you, hurt you...than they stop and you accept it like nothing happened"...That lil voice comes from the dark part in my heart that still hurts...that still craves revenge. Revenge is a bad thing..especially when everythings good now,but I cant help but think at times...how about when it wasn't good, when I was a good girl from January-so forth and I was being walked on for no reason..simply because they can do that. It makes me sick when I think of it, and I get really disapointed in myself.
I feel like theres two sides of me..this hurt victom who's been used and made a fool of than theres the forgiving happy side who has forgiven and wants to move on with the future...but that side is a fool with no back bone.It's a battle with myself. I just feel that I am worth so much more,like who the hell thought they can fuck with me and get away with it like nothing happened...when all I've had for them is love and respect.
Well after I had watched kill bill ...Beatrice Kiddo ..her character..the journey for pure revenge, with no mercy, her hurt ,her pain..I felt it..I felt like that movie was a huge exageration of my life.Why do I have so much mercy? Love is strong but so is pain..and if you love someone..you dont hurt them.Well I have my own Beatrice kiddo that lives in me..a samurai assassin who craves vengence...but The good person in me is way too strong,however I will never..ever let anybody try to pull half the things that have been done to me this year.There will be a consiquence to pay..and I will have no mercy.
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